AskFM UPDATE: But Who’s the Father?!

life_1999_babys_daddy_part_2A woman wrote in yesterday to say that her husband’s ex girlfriend had asked him to be the godfather of her new baby.

Hub’s Ex has asked him to be God-dad to her 6wk old son. The same Ex that caused problems when he and I got together, the same Ex that I told him to cease communication with. Apparently he has not. I’m so ticked right now. This chick will not go away.

This is a really wild for the night ask. And I’m wondering what man is okay with the mother of his child making her ex the godfather to her kid. Is the ex not with the child’s father already? Hmm…
But the bottom line here was why was the ex  so comfortable aking this of her ex who is now married?
My answer:
That’s on [your husband]. He’s sending her messages that it’s ok to stay around. Ask him what it will take for him to leave this woman alone.
And asking him to be the kid’s godfather is out of pocket. All it is, is a way to have a tie to him.
Something’s up. Who’s the father of the kid??



My spidey senses were tingling. Something wasn’t right at all about this story. Like why would a man even ask his wife to consider this? UNLESS… this was the lesser of some greater evil.


She wrote back:

Belle, thats the same question I asked. He got upset. Now he wants to paint me the jealous insecure wife. We have an infertility woe we’re currently dealing with (endometriosis) which makes my answer[to his ask] not “no”, but a strong “HELL NO!!!”


She didn’t answer the most important question, which was my bad. In a rare instance, I tip-toed around what I really wanted to say. I tried again.

ok, but who did he say is the father of the kid? i just can’t see the kid’s dad being like “sure, your ex who you can’t let go of, can be the godfather.”

is this your husband’s kid is what I was trying to ask in a roundabout way. that’s my bad for not being direct.

you’re not jealous or insecure for having a problem with a woman that he won’t let go.



The wife said she already asked:

No, I got that, and asked him if the child’s his. He said it’s not. But my gut is telling me to do some digging. The way he stormed out of the house this afternoon seems rather suspect. Also he’s not picking up his phone. I’m throwing his ass out tonight!!! This is too much for me.
My response:
if your gut is telling you something is up, something is up.

i know you’re angry, but calm down and think things through before you throw him out. this isn’t a relationship. it’s a marriage.




Like everyone else, I like being right. But given the nature of what I do, sometimes I like to be wrong. I don’t like peeing on people’s lives or pouring on their parades. However, if they ask me what I think, I feel obligated to be honest– and unfortuately, the honest answer and the right answer, aren’t always the answers folks want, even when they ask.

The elders told us to be careful what we ask (for), for a reason.

The wife wrote back in this morning. I won’t post the full (and long) response right now out of respect. She’s not thinking clearly, and honestly the details don’t matter:

My marriage was supposed to be my place of solace, not a source of grief. I made sure I was a good wife to him. I cook, I clean, I do every freaky nasty thing in the bedroom that he requested. So why wasn’t it enough? I work hard as hell! Yet, I still managed to be a wife to him.

No matter how many hoops I’ve jumped through, or how many stars I’ve pulled from the sky, I somehow failed. This bitch has done what I could never do in 8 years: give my Hubs a baby. I can’t compete with that.


Hit me up. I read all your responses. This isn’t an solution and it isn’t a quick answer: coachedbybelle at gmail dot com


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  1. Watched the show last night and your response to the brunch topic was dead on. You got to trust and respect, if you feel that the relationship is one sided and its always that way, make a decision. Stay keeping it real.

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